Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Working at a pharmacy is more about working with patients than about working with drugs. Drugs don't yell at you. Drugs don't complain about insurance prices that you have little or no control over. Drugs don't try to forge prescriptions or fabricate sob stories to get their drugs early.

Nope, the pills and tablets are easy. It's the people that make life...interesting.

What's that TV channel with the slogan "Characters Welcome"? They should apply that slogan to a pharmacy. We see the best and worst of humanity, the high and lows of stereotypes in society. The "Regulars" are the patients we see weekly or have such a personality that they make themselves KNOWN. We know so much about such a small, small part of their lives...their ailments, their health, their spouses and children, their jobs and hobbies. Regardless, some of these people welcome us into their lives and consider us, the pharm staff, friends! Weird!

Here's a brief sketch of four of our "Regulars":

* Big Bob - has the raspiest voice on earth. Thick southern accent + years of smoking + loss of hearing = Big Bob's voice. Add a crappy drive-thru speaker and Big Bob's rattling rust-bucket-of-a-truck and you start to wish for the ability to read minds. Big Bob is always known as Big Bob. He has no last name. I'm pretty sure his driver's license only says "Big Bob". Like an endangered species, he only appears 10 minutes before closing (even if he called HOURS ago to check on his meds). He refuses to pay more than $30 for anything (although rumor has it that he has more money than God). He assumes you know what he needs when he orders his "salve". For anyone born AFTER the Great Depression, "salve" is code for any type of ointment/lotion/cream to rub on one's body. Nevermind that there are chemical and medicinal differences between lotions, ointments, and creams (thereby important information to the pharmacist) and hundreds of different TYPES of topical solutions for different things...you only need to know one word: SALVE.

* Silvester Silversmith - lost most of his jaw to what I assume was gum cancer. Given the demographics, I bet it was from chewing tobacco. Regardless how or why, the man has no real jaw. And while I'm changing names to protect the innocent (and my job. Hello, HIPPA), the irony of his speech impediment is not lost on his actual name.

* Abe Martin - had a double lung transplant and was sent home that night from the hospital. Apparently organ transplants are out-patient procedures now! I'm not sure how old Abe is, but he looks much older than his actual years. He's bony and frail and ghostly pale. Normally he rides on a Hover-Round chair with a surgical mask on his face (to prevent infection). He used to be attached to an oxygen tank too. Thankfully, he's much better now and doing quite well. :) He's the biggest flirt and most optimistic person I ever met! You ask how his day is and he replies, "Best day of my life! I woke up! I'm alive! And I'm here with my favorite people...you all!". He's always saying how lucky the guys are to work with "such beautiful women" and "pretty young ladies". I remember being intimidated of him in my earlier career (probably 'cause he was grumpy, on steroids, and couldn't breathe) but now I love to see Abe. He makes me grin with his sincere gratitude for life.

* The Duke of York - thinks his real name is the cleverest and funniest thing on earth. It's not. We all get the royal reference and joke. You didn't even come up with the name, dude. Your mama did. So shove it. To make matters worse, The Duke is a lover of bad puns and worse cliches. And he's a talker. And he comes by EVERY DAY. No kidding! EVERY DAY! Even holidays! Even on Sundays after church. EVERY flipping DAY the man has another horrible quip about something insignificant and pointless. Worse of all? He takes three minutes (we timed him once) to write a check. And he ALWAYS writes a check...ugh!